I just published "Anger Is Your Ally," but today I realize i left something out. I exemplify the rage I'm talking about, and it doesn't fit into any of the book's categories.

Two days ago I wrote about Saundra, and what her miserable childhood cost her, including the distortion that 80%-90% of her energies were absorbed by having to deal with her family craziness.

Well, that's the one. I had the same problem, only it feels slightly different: as if 80%-90% of my energies have been spent on the "Trauma Movie." Re-living, trying to solve ... just as I did during the time it was happening.

Those energies have been squandered on tension, fear, tolerating the limbo of no-resolution, isolation (including massive distrust and a need to hide), and overcoming a sense of helplessness. Gee, what a great place to put most of my energies, right? No wonder life has felt so difficult. I've been playing with 20% of the deck, or less. I think I started out with 2%. Yes, I'm exhausted.

But the point today is that this injustice is probably the source my most massive and pervasive rage. Of course, I'm angry at being invisible to my family, at being sexually abused by my stepfather and ignored when I spoke up about it, etc. Bad things happened, which were demeaning to my sense of self (hence, anger's warning to me).

But this is the biggie: that my sense of my own life was de-railed. I've been living in their movie, and I'm now 73. Time to shift more fully into my own -- and no one else can do this for me. It's my work.

The rewards should be terrific. A. Recognize how much I've accomplished with a reduced deck of cards (not bad!). B. Be more present, relaxed, safe, and free to do whatever looks right for me. C. Drain the anger, because I'll be (finally) taking the better care of myself it demands: leave their movie and live in my own.

If I ever do a second edition of the book, I'll put this in.