I've been watching a lot of professional tennis. This morning (Shanghai Open, final between Nadal and Federer -- again), I realized they access and guide their energy.

They didn't create their energy; I didn't create mine. But I suspect my high blood pressure is a measure of how much I've dammed up the energy within me. I know that, as a child, I had to control it, modulate it, try to minimize it, because it didn't fit in my family. Even today, my powerful energy can scare some people. I'm "angry" because so much has been imprisoned. (It isn't a specific kind of anger. It's "pent-up-ness.")

Which made me realize, okay, my family didn't see me, and I derived an awkward sense of myself. It was an image, not related to how I feel. So the important question is: if that's not correct, what is? I can't just fight against the image of myself in a distorted mirror. I have to find the images of me in an accurate mirror.

That sounds like a lot more fun, too.